Revamp & Reflections

It's been a long time since I wrote out thoughts via this blog. To be honest, I forgot I even had one. The past 13 months here in Spain have been so unexpectedly busy and overwhelming that, if Emily 13 months ago knew what this journey would look like, she would have set some major goals in her life, but hindsight is 20-20, right? 

More than anything, what has sparked this new found revelation to type and scribe and put on the internets, is a feeling of knowing that I'm not the only one with these feelings and bearing a true heart of honesty as Adam and I humbly walk this road of sharing the Gospel and living life alongside Spaniards. 

Firstly...wow...doing missions stretches your marriage. Want to put your marriage in a pressure cooker. Move 3000 miles away from your first culture, learn a new language, try to accomplish things in that second language, and work day by day alongside your spouse seeing both their weaknesses and their strengths. I read this blog post last week and was verbally agreeing like that of a passionate Baptist congregation member hearing a convicting sermon.  Bottom line is I am learning and quickly seeing what Satan's true mission is here on Earth. For some reason, in the States I never felt like, "Wow. Satan does not want me to succeed this week." But here, the small spiritual victories we face are often times small. Like, Juan came to Bible Study after not coming for a month. That is huge here. Pray for the missionary couples, please. Their marriages are tested just like y'alls, but sometimes, it's the additional cultural adjustment pieces that can make it feel impossible to take those 2 steps forward. 

Secondly...you learn about disappointments here. All. The. Time. Living in Spain stretches your American organizational, check the box personality to realms in which you nearly break if you don't learn to be flexible. We have experienced them from big to small. From buying our apartment and being delayed in closing because Pablo couldn't do an important inspection because he was sick that day, and no one else does Pablo's job, so 100s of neighbours are waiting for Pablo's inspection, but Pablo doesn't care. He's needed, so he's going to milk it for all it's worth. Or banking...here there's only 1 bank teller. Doesn't matter if it's rush hour or only 1 person in front of you, the little abuela is going to recount her withdrawal 2 times and tell the teller about how she couldn't believe that her son-in-law has been to the physical therapist and he still can't move his shoulder, but they are saying that if he goes 3 more times, maybe he'll be recuperated by August. If you're in a hurry in Spain, you should slow down they say. "Tranquilo". "No pasa nada". Like mantras you should whisper to yourself, to keep you from erupting like a volcano. Reminds me of a classic Seinfeld episode, "Serenity now". 

Despite irritations that eat at you like a pebble in your shoe, patience is like gold here, and can only come through our Heavenly Father. 

So as you read this post, I ask two things: pray for us and for patience and humility the next few weeks. We, like you, seek to honor God in the task he has called us to, and know that only through Him can we do so. 

Transitions and Preparations

   

     This weekend marks the end of summer, and as I look back on the past couple months I marvel at what the Lord is doing in guiding us back to Spain. Almost two months ago, I stepped down from my position at Food Lion and we transitioned to Wilmington, NC to help with a church plant from our college church in Durham, NC (The Summit Church) until we return to Spain, Lord willing, in January.

    God worked miraculously in providing for us here in Wilmington. Housing options were looking very bleak for the budget we had; however, God used a dear family in Spain to connect us to a family here in Wilmington. This Wilmington family happened to have a home available for rent, that was, by God's grace, exactly in our price range. Amazing. 

     I'm not praising God for making everything go ok, but praising him for supporting us as we stepped out in faith. If He would have shut the door to Wilmington and provided no housing options, I would have been sad, but I also would have known that this was not His plan for us. God is teaching me this principle more and more before we go to Spain. He has reminded me of his sovereignty, control of my life, and yet the freedom in Christ and contentment I have in Him.

     Even more amazing is how God has provided for us financially to return to Spain. We are at 69% support right now - I'm just so thankful for the families and churches God has allowed to partner with us who have deeply encouraged us in our ministry. We are praying specifically during the next month and half to reach 85% so we can return in January to the field of Spain. Otherwise, our departure date is pushed back at least 5 months to May 2015. Ultimately, his timing is perfect, and I trust in his plan, but he has called us to be diligent in his work of serving, sharing His Gospel, and laying up a foundation for the time to come (I Timothy 6:19).

Joyful

May 1^st is Thursday…crazy! In just 8 weeks, we’ll have hit the “1 year” mark back in the US, and just like time did in Spain, it feels like it just flew, flew, flew. Our adjustment back to the US was difficult in the beginning (like any other person adjusting to a new culture would say). The lack of sidewalks in our town made me sad and frustrated. Open patios and terrazas with kids playing and enjoying life are fewer here than on previous Spanish soil. But as time passes, you re-adjust to the culture, except this time, Spain had made a more permanent imprint on our hearts. It wasn’t just the culture that we missed – it was the people. I missed being a part of their lives. Our kids at ECA especially, I longed to be there day to day.

Ministering to and serving these kids and the Spaniards that we interacted with provided the most joy that is really hard to capture in words. While the joy we have now is strong and ever present, God developed it in our hearts bit by bit while we were. When you transition from one loved place to another, you will always miss the culture that you leave behind for various reasons. You begin to constantly compare and develop preferences of things of a culture you like and things that you dislike. And honestly you could spend all your time dwelling in that world of compare, likes, dislikes, and “just getting by”, but for us, God pressed us to see past just “surviving” and serving our 2 year term, but to invest in the relationships he desired us to make. And that is when the joy came. God has shown me that it is when I see his sovereignty in my life and in connection with his will, things he asks me to do is not dependent on my success but HIS! He desires for us to be faithful in what he calls us to do. It won’t be easy at all times. It will be uncomfortable, unconventional, and unnatural at times, but it is always the best thing for us.

I had someone tell me the other day that they could just see the joy and passion in our faces and demeanor for returning to Spain. I pray that God continues to fill my heart with even more joy for Spain, his people there, our co-workers sharing Christ with the nations, and their kids that we desire to encourage – not for the recognition of what we did in Spain but what He did through us.

Letters of Joy and Sadness

It has been a while since my last post. We braved the waters of the Atlantic Ocean on the tiniest international airplane I've ever been and arrived back on US soil on June 10th - almost three months and counting today.

We have the last 90 days adjusted back to US life in a sense. It seems so ironic that an adjustment back to your native culture would seem so odd. I have lived my life in the US for the first 26 years, but after just 2 years away in Spain, things are so hard to get back used to. I miss the ability to walk across my town on a sunny afternoon, walk to the grocery with carrito in hand, and catch a bus and train into Madrid at the spur of the moment.

We knew the people aspect of our transition would be the hardest. Just like leaving family and friends two years ago was difficult - the feeling we had in leaving Spain to come back was harder somehow. My heart has this indescribable hole. I dream of our "kids" often - just living our normal activities with them. Facebook is a blessing, yet a curse I find. All the back-to-school activities and photos brought more pain to my heart as I know exactly what's happening and yearn to be a part of it, but know it's not possible now.

We received two cherished letters filled with handwritten notes from students and staff from their first day of school last week. Our dear friend, Stephanie, mailed them to us, and it's been a while since we've received such a treasured piece of mail. Each student that wrote a note I shed a tear for - how was their summer? what classes do they have 1st period? how did opening chapel go? how are they doing today? Simple questions that I wish I could ask them face-to-face and see their expressions but this year I can't.

I feel I'm forever lately asking God the question, "Why?" Why do we have to be away? Why does this have to take so long? Why are we so far away from friends, co-workers, and our students?

And honestly I don't (and won't) know the answers to these questions at this point in time nor, possibly, on this side of eternity, but I do trust God and his plan, and know that someday (and we pray soon) we will be back at ECA, serving the students and staff as long as God desires.

The Other Side

We are now day 10 into our arrival back to the States.

We have an wonderful apartment that seems gigantic compared to our Spanish piso even though here it's only a 1 bedroom. Our town, while pretty in one sense, doesn't even measure close to the beauty of the plateaus that once were gracing the Spanish skyline we viewed daily.

I go outside our apartment and no courtyard awaits me with eager kids greeting me in their second language (my first), rollerblading, and rushing toward Carson with squealing delight.

I can't walk to the nearest grocery store anymore. I must get in my car and drive the ten minutes journey down the road. Grocery stores as well are completely overwhelming. Sometimes I am thrilled at the plentiful options of healthy foods but all the while wondering how fresh and how many preservatives are hidden behind my purchases.

I dream about our Spanish lives each night. My students are vivid in my dreams, and I wake up with a brief smile that they are still so crystal clear in my memories but am quickly saddened as I realize how far away I am from them.

I love our family time. Seeing my sister frequently, texting my family members, spending time with my niece and nephew, brother-in-laws & sister-in-laws, parents & grandparents. If I only I could transplant the people here to our home there...

My heart is not the same now. It has been remolded by our ministry and love for Spain. Being here, I see how truly incomplete I feel and have even more conformation that Spain is God's desire for us for the future.

I must look at this time as a platform of transition, one ordained by God to enable to be better servants to Spaniards in the future. At this moment, I don't understand this hiatus. Why do we have to do this? But I trust our ever-knowing, ever-loving Heavenly Father and know that one day we will understand this season and rejoice in it.

Am I Ready?

Am I ready for what will take place in 18 days?


Am I ready for packing up 2 years worth of things (and a dog!) in 7 suitcases?


Am I ready to say goodbye to my fellow staff at ECA?


Am I ready to tell my Seniors goodbye as they head off to college?


Am I ready to say goodbye to all the students at ECA that we may never see again?


Am I ready to say goodbye to my neighbors and their kids?


Am I ready to go back to the US and try to explain what the Lord has blessed us with the last two years?


Am I ready to leave our home in Alcala?


Am I ready to not be able to shop at Mercadona or Carrefour and do a happy dance when you find American products?


Am I ready to go back to our "old life" in the States?


Am I ready to begin deputation again?


Am I ready to go through another culture shock?


Am I ready to see friends that we haven't seen in 2 years?


Am I ready to see my family in the States?


Am I ready to rejoin my co-workers in the States?


Am I ready?


Philippians 4:7
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

reflections

**Warning**: this will be a sad post!

I woke up this morning to a dream about my nearby hometown neighborhood. In my dream, my family was taking a Sunday stroll, and Adam and I were gasping at how different everything was since we had to returned back to the States from Spain. (In my dream, it was pretty bazaar...the neighborhood had erected gigantic statutes of jungle animals throughout the cul-de-sac with the HOA fees...where I come up with these things I do not know :)) I usually have silly dreams, but I woke up from this one sad. Subconsciously, I am having a hard time wrapping around my brain about transitioning and moving back to the US. Don't get me wrong - we are excited about returning to the US, once again close to our families. I am thrilled, as well, to be going back to my old job with my former co-workers! But deep down, I am so sad to transition away from here.

6 full-time staff will be transitioning away with us and that, I think, makes it even harder for me, along with all the ECA kids that will be graduating or graduated when we return to Spain. Adam and I and three other full-time staff were chaperones for an honor roll field trip this past Wednesday at a theme park outside of Madrid. As we were driving home, we, staff, were chatting away about the days activities, enjoying each other's company, and singing to the radio, and in those moment I started to tear up. Maybe because I'm a softie, but because, these are the friends and memories that we have had the blessing to have over the past two years, and it just makes me so sad to leave.

Serving on the mission field is very difficult on many fronts. Almost always you have to adjust to a completely different culture, learn a different language, and are far away from blood relatives. But the part that affects many even more is the constant saying goodbye and transition that is endured. In light of eternity, small singing to the radio memories don't really matter, but God did give us a love for people here on earth, so transitions are naturally difficult for us to handle emotionally.

The next 5 weeks that remain here in Spain will be a whirlwind of activity. I am dreading/happy about it because it will fill our days with great memories, but I am afraid that all will whisk by, and I will return back to the US still grasping at the transition that just took place. I pray God will give me strength and peace in all that will come. Because only He can help me with all the change that is to come.

I was talking with a Spanish lady last night at a Mother/Daughter banquet at our church and she asked me quite bluntly, "Why come here from the US and leave all your family behind?"

  "To serve," I replied.

That has been THE greatest joy here. And while it brings tears to my eyes as I skype with my family to see how my nieces and nephews have grown exponentially the last two years while we've been away, God has really blessed us to be here and serve our neighbors, community, and the students at ECA. Being called to serve is difficult but the eternal rewards, truly, are even more worth it.